十八岁出门远行
LEAVING HOME AT EIGHTEEN
作者：余华
By Yu Hua
柏油马路起伏不止，马路像是贴在海浪上。我走在这条山区公路上，我像一条船。这年我十八岁，我下巴上那几根黄色的胡须迎风飘飘，那是第一批来这里定居的胡须，所以我格外珍重它们，我在这条路上走了整整一天，已经看了很多山和很多云。所有的山所有的云，都让我联想起了熟悉的人。我就朝着它们呼唤他们的绰号，所以尽管走了一天，可我一点也不累。我就这样从早晨里穿过，现在走进了下午的尾声，而且还看到了黄昏的头发。但是我还没走进一家旅店。
The asphalt road ahead extended to a distance, undulating as if it were paved on the surface of ocean waves. Walking on the mountain highway, I felt myself like a boat sailing across bumpy water. That year I was eighteen years old, and a few yellowish beards had just taken root in my chin, which I cherished a lot. It had been a whole day since I started walking on this road, and I had seen many mountains and clouds that reminded me of people I was familiar with. I hailed the mountains and clouds with nicknames, this was so diverting that I did not feel tired after a whole day’s walk. In this way I walked through the morning, to the end of afternoon and reached the beginning of dusk. However, I had not yet seen a hostel.
我在路上遇到不少人，可他们都不知道前面是何处，前面是否有旅店。他们都这样告诉我：“你走过去看吧。”我觉得他们说的太好了，我确实是在走过去看。可是我还没走进一家旅店。我觉得自己应该为旅店操心。
I had met quite a few people along the way, but they did not know what was ahead, or whether there was any hostel. Rather, they all told me, “Go ahead and find out yourself.” They were quite right, I thought, I was indeed going to find out myself. Since I had not seen a hostel by now, I reckoned that I should worry about it.
我奇怪自己走了一天竟只遇到一次汽车。那时是中午，那时我刚刚想搭车，但那时仅仅只是想搭车，那时我还没为旅店操心，那时我只是觉得搭一下车非常了不起。我站在路旁朝那辆汽车挥手，我努力挥得很潇洒。可那个司机看也没看我，汽车和司机一样，也是看也没看，在我眼前一闪就他妈的过去了。我就在汽车后面拚命地追了一阵，我这样做只是为了高兴，因为那时我还没有为旅店操心。我一直追到汽车消失之后，然后我对着自己哈哈大笑，但是我马上发现笑得太厉害会影响呼吸，于是我立刻不笑。接着我就兴致勃勃地继续走路，但心里却开始后悔起来，后悔刚才没在潇洒地挥着手里放一块大石子。
It was odd that I had only encountered a truck throughout the day. At noontime I felt like hitchhiking – rather than worrying about a hostel – and at that time I only thought that a hitchhike might be awesome. Standing by the road I waved eagerly yet handsomely to that truck. The driver looked but did not see me, neither did the truck. Damn! They just sped past me. I dashed after the truck for a while. I did so for mere amusement, because I did not worry about a hostel at that time. I kept running after the truck until it was out of sight, and then I burst into a violent laughter toward myself. Soon I discovered that the violent laughter could hinder my normal breath, so I stopped laughing immediately. The next thing was that I cheerfully continued my journey, although I regretted not having a large pebble in my waving hand just then.
现在我真想搭车，因为黄昏就要来了，可旅店还在它妈肚子里，但是整个下午竟没再看到一辆汽车。要是现在再拦车，我想我准能拦住。我会躺到公路中央去，我敢肯定所有的汽车都会在我耳边来个急刹车。然而现在连汽车的马达声都听不到。现在我只能走过去看了，这话不错，走过去看。”
Now I really wanted to hitchhike, because the dusk is looming and the hostel was still nowhere to be seen. But there had not been a single truck in sight during the afternoon. If I was to stop a truck again, I thought, I would surely stop it. I would lie in the middle of the road and any truck would stop in front of me with a screaming brake, yet I could not hear a sound similar to that of an automotive engine. What I could do then was kept walking and hoping to find a hostel. It was damned right, “Go ahead and find out yourself.”
公路高低起伏，那高处总在诱惑我，诱惑我没命奔上去看旅店，可每次都只看到另一个高处，中间是一个叫人沮丧的弧度。尽管这样我还是一次一次地往高处奔，次次都是没命地奔。眼下我又往高处奔去。这一次我看到了，看到的不是旅店而是汽车。汽车是朝我这个方向停着的，停在公路的低处。我看到那个司机高高翘起的屁股，屁股上有晚霞。司机的脑袋我看不见，他的脑袋正塞在车头里。那车头的盖子斜斜翘起，像是翻起的嘴唇。车箱里高高堆着箩筐，我想着箩筐里装的肯定是水果。当然最好是香蕉。我想他的驾驶室里应该也有，那么我一坐进去就可以拿起来吃了，虽然汽车将要朝我走来的方向开去，但我已经不在乎方向。我现在需要旅店，旅店没有就需要汽车，汽车就在眼前。
The road was rising and falling in front of me. A high point along the road would always encourage me to rush to it to watch for a hostel, but every time what I saw was another high point in the distance, with a depressing downward curve in between. Nevertheless, I rushed desperately to every high point along the road anyway. And now I was rushing toward a new one. This time I saw it, not a hostel but a truck. The truck was parked with its front toward me, somewhere in the middle of a downward curve. I could see the ass of the driver thrusting upward with sunset glow on it. The driver’s head was buried under the hood, which was propped up like an upturning lip. The carriage of the truck was packed with large wickerwork baskets. There must be fruit in the baskets, banana would be my favorite, I thought. There must be some bananas in the driver’s cabin, and I could have some as soon as I got in. Although the truck was going back to the direction I came from, I did not care. What I needed most was a hostel, the next thing was a truck, and the truck was right there.
我兴致勃勃地跑了过去，向司机打招呼：“老乡，你好。”
I went up cheerfully and greeted the driver: “Hello, brother.”
司机好像没有听到，仍在弄着什么。
He did not respond and kept to his work.
“老乡，抽烟。”
“Have a smoke, brother.”
这时他才使了使劲，将头从里面拔出来，并伸过来一只黑乎乎的手，夹住我递过去的烟。我赶紧给他点火。他将烟叼在嘴上吸了几口后，又把头塞了进去。
Only then he pulled his head from under the hood, reached the cigarette with a sludge-stained hand. I lit the cigarette for him. After a few puffs, he buried his head under the hood again.
于是我心安理得了，他只要接过我的烟，他就得让我坐他的车。我就绕着汽车转悠起来，转悠是为了侦察箩筐的内容。可是我看不清，便去使用鼻子闻，闻到了苹果味，苹果也不错，我这样想。
Then I felt at ease and justified. As long as he took my cigarette, I was entitled to ride in his truck. I strolled around the truck in the aim to find out what were inside the wickerwork baskets. The baskets were well covered, so I sniffed the air around them. It smelled like apples. Apples were also good, I thought.
不一会他修好了车，就盖上车盖跳了下来。我赶紧走上去说：“老乡，我想搭车。”不料他用黑乎乎的手推了我一把，粗暴地说：“滚开。”
In a short while the driver had finished repairing the truck. He put down the hood and jumped down. I walked up hastily and said: “I need a ride, brother.” Unexpectedly, he pushed me aside with his sludge-stained hand and said harshly: “Get lost.”
我气得无话可说，他却慢悠悠地打开车门钻了进去，然后发动机响了起来。我知道要是错过这次机会，将不再有机会。我知道现在应该豁出去了。于是我跑到另一侧，也拉开车门钻了进去。我准备与他在驾驶室里大打一场。我进去时首先是冲着他吼了一声：“你嘴里还叼着我的烟。”这时汽车已经活动了。
I was indignant and speechless. He opened the cabin door slowly and got in, the next moment the engine was roaring. I knew that there would be no another chance if I missed this one, so I should take the risk and do it. I ran to the other side of the cabin, pulled the door open and got in as well. Getting ready for a tussle with him in the cabin, I shouted: “You are still puffing my smoke!” At that time, the truck was on the move.
然而他却笑嘻嘻地十分友好地看起我来，这让我大惑不解。他问：“你上哪？”
Yet he smiled and looked at me friendly, which bewildered me. He asked: “Where are you going?”
我说：“随便上哪。”
“Wherever,” I said.
他又亲切地问：“想吃苹果吗？”他仍然看着我。
“Do you care for an apple?” He asked amiably, still looking at me.
“那还用问。”
“Tell me about it.”
“到后面去拿吧。”
“Fetch some from the back carriage.”
他把汽车开得那么快，我敢爬出驾驶室爬到后面去吗？于是我就说：“算了吧。”
As he was driving so fast, how dared I to crawl to the back carriage to get the apples? So I said, “Forget about it.”
他说：“去拿吧。”他的眼睛还在看着我。
“Go get them,” he said, still looking at me.
我说：“别看了，我脸上没公路。”
“Stop staring at me, I don’t have a road on my face.” I said.
他这才扭过头去看公路了。
Then he turned his eyes on the road.
汽车朝我来时的方向驰着，我舒服地坐在座椅上，看着窗外，和司机聊着天。现在我和他已经成为朋友了。我已经知道他是在个体贩运。这汽车是他自己的，苹果也是他的。我还听到了他口袋里面钱儿叮当响。我问他：“你到什么地方去？”
The truck was driving toward where I came from. I sit comfortably in the seat, looking outside and chatting with the diver. Now he and I were friends. He was a private transporter. The truck belonged to him, so did the apples. I could also hear money tinkling in his pocket. “Where are you heading?” I asked.
他说：“开过去看吧。”
“Drive ahead and find out,” he said.
这话简直像是我兄弟说的，这话可多亲切。我觉得自己与他更亲近了。车窗外的一切应该是我熟悉的，那些山那些云都让我联想起来了另一帮熟悉人来了，于是我又叫唤起另一批绰号来了。
What amiable words! They were just like the words of my own brother. I felt closer to him right away. What I saw outside the cabin were familiar to me. Those mountains and clouds reminded me of some other acquaintances, so I started hailing them with different nicknames.
现在我根本不在乎什么旅店，这汽车这司机这座椅让我心安而理得。我不知道汽车要到什么地方去，他也不知道。反正前面是什么地方对我们来说无关紧要，我们只要汽车在驰着，那就驰过去看吧。
Now I cared nothing about a hostel, as the co-driver’s seat is comfortable enough for me. I did not know where the truck was heading, neither did the driver. What was ahead was insignificant to us, as long as the truck was moving, we would drive on to find out what was ahead.
可是这汽车抛锚了，那个时候我们已经是好得不能再好的朋友了。我把手搭在他肩上，他把手搭在我肩上。他正在把他的恋爱说给我听，正要说第一次拥抱女性的感觉时，这汽车抛锚了。汽车是在上坡时抛锚的，那个时候汽车突然不叫唤了，像死猪那样突然不动了。于是他又爬到车头上去了，又把那上嘴唇翻了起来，脑袋又塞了进去。我坐在驾驶室里，我知道他的屁股此刻肯定又高高翘起，但上嘴唇挡住了我的视线，我看不到他的屁股，可我听得到他修车的声音。
But the truck broke down again. We had become each other’s best friend by that time. I put my hand on his shoulder, and he put his on mine. He was about to tell me his romance and the feeling of holding a girl for the first time when the truck broke down again while driving upward a slope. The engine just died and the truck halted like a dead pig. Consequently he was up on the front again. He propped up the hood and buried his head under it. I sat in the cabin imagining his ass thrusting upward again. As the hood was in the way, I could not actually see his ass, but I could hear he repairing it.
过了一会他把脑袋拔了出来，把车盖盖上。他那时的手更黑了，他把脏手在衣服上擦了又擦，然后跳到地上走了过来。
After a while he reemerged and put down the hood. His hands became filthier from the sludge. Having rubbed his hands against his clothes several times he jumped down and walked up to me.
“修好了？”我问。
“Fixed?” I asked.
“完了，没法修了。”他说。
“No. It cannot be fixed.” He said.
我想完了，“那怎么办呢”我问。
“What are we going to do?” I asked, thinking that it was all up.
“等着瞧吧。”他漫不经心地说。
“Let’s wait and see.” He said unconcernedly.
我仍在汽车里坐着，不知该怎么办。眼下我又想起什么旅店来了。那个时候太阳要落山了，晚霞则像蒸汽似地在升腾。旅店就这样重又来到了我脑中，并且逐渐膨胀，不一会便把我的脑袋塞满了。那时铁脑袋没有了，脑袋的地方长出了一个旅店。
I still sat in the cabin, not knowing what to do. Under such circumstance I again yearned for a hostel. The Sun was about to fall behind the distant mountains, and the sunset glow was rising like water steam. A hostel once again came into my mind and occupied all of it in no time, as if there were a hostel in the place of my head.
司机这时在公路中央做起了广播操，他从第一节做到最后一节，做得很认真。做完又绕着汽车小跑起来。司机也许是在驾驶室里呆得太久，现在他需要锻炼身体了。看着他在外面活动，我在里面也坐不住，于是，打开车门也跳了下去。但我没做放手操也没小跑。我在想着旅店和旅店。
The driver started to do setting-up exercises in the middle of the road. He did so in a quite serious manner and from section one to the last section. After that he jogged around the truck. Maybe he had been driving too long and thus needed some exercises, I thought. Thinking of this made me uneasy in the cabin, so I opened the door and jumped down too. But I did not do any setting-up exercises or jogging. What occupied my mind was still a hostel.
这个时候我看到坡上有五个骑着自行车下来，每辆自行车后座上都用一根扁担绑着两只很大的箩筐，我想他们大概是附近的农民，大概是卖菜回来。看到有人下来，我心里十分高兴，便迎上去喊道：“老乡，你们好。”
Then I saw five men cycling down the slope, there were one carrying pole and two large baskets on the carrying rack of each bicycle. Maybe they were farms living nearby who had returned from peddling their vegetables. Delighted to see people around, I went up and greeted them: “Hello, brothers.”
那五个骑到我跟前时跳下了车，我很高兴地迎了上去，问：“附近有旅店吗？”
They got off the bikes in front of me. I asked joyfully: “Is there any hostel around?”
他们没有回答，而是问我：“车上装的是什么？”
They did not answer me. Instead, they asked: “What’s on the truck?”
我说：“是苹果。”
“Apples,” I said.
他们五人推着自行车走到汽车旁，有两个人爬到了汽车上，接着就翻下来十筐苹果，下面三个人把筐盖掀开往他们自己的筐里倒。我一时间还不知道发生了什么，那情景让我目瞪口呆。我明白过来就冲了上去，责问：“你们要干什么？”
They walked their bikes to the back of the truck; two climbed into the carriage and soon ten baskets of apples were brought down; and the other three started dumping apples into their baskets. What happened left me dumbfounded, not quite knowing the situation. After figuring out what had happened, I went up and demanded: “What are you doing?”
他们谁也没理睬我，继续倒苹果。我上去抓住其中一个人的手喊道：“有人抢苹果啦！”这时有一只拳头朝我鼻子上狠狠地揍来了，我被打出几米远。爬起来用手一摸，鼻子软塌塌地不是贴着而是挂在脸上了，鲜血像是伤心的眼泪一样流。可当我看清打铁那个身强力壮的大汉时，他们五人已经跨上自行车骑走了。
They paid no attention to me and kept dumping apples into their baskets. I grabbed one of their hands and shouted: “Help! Somebody’s robbing the truck.” Suddenly my nose was punched by a fist, and I fell back several meters to the ground. After I got up and rubbed my nose, I found it was broken. Blood was trickling down from my nose like sad tears. I looked up and found that those five robust men have got away on their bikes.
司机此刻正在慢慢地散步，嘴唇翻着大口喘气，他刚才大概跑累了。他好像一点也不知道刚才的事。我朝他喊：“你的苹果被抢走了！”可他根本没注意我在喊什么，仍在慢慢地散步。我真想上去揍他一拳，也让他的鼻子挂起来。我跑过去对着他的耳朵大喊：“你的苹果被抢走了。”他这才转身看了我起来，我发现他的表情越来越高兴，我发现他是在看我的鼻子。
The driver was still jogging, his mouth wide open and gasping. It seemed that he was just tired from jogging and knew nothing about what had happened. I yelled at him: “They robbed you of the apples!” But he remained calm and kept jogging. I felt an impulse to punch him in the face to break his nose. I ran up and shouted into his ear: “They had taken your apples!” Only then he turned and looked at me. I found that he became more and more amused looking at my nose.
这时候，坡上又有很多人骑着自行车下来了，每辆车后都有两只大筐，骑车的人里面有一些孩子。他们蜂拥而来，又立刻将汽车包围。好些人跳到汽车上面，于是装苹果的箩筐纷纷而下，苹果从一些摔破的筐中像我的鼻血一样流了出来。他们都发疯般往自己筐中装苹果。才一瞬间工夫，车上的苹果全到了地下。那时有几辆手扶拖拉机从坡上隆隆而下，拖拉机也停在汽车旁，跳下一帮大汉开始往拖拉机上装苹果，那些空了的箩筐一只一只被扔了出去。那时的苹果已经满地滚了，所有人都像蛤蟆似地蹲着捡苹果。
At then, more villagers cycled down the slope, each having two large baskets on the carrying rack. Some of them were still kids. They swarmed around the truck; some jumped into the carriage and the apple baskets were tossed down one after another to the road. Some baskets broke and apples fell out like my nosebleed. Those people started filling their baskets like crazy with apples. In a blink of eye, all the apples were unloaded from the truck. Just then, several tractors and trailers rumbled down the road and pulled over alongside the truck. Villagers jumped down and started loading apples to the vehicles. The empty apple baskets were tossed around and apples were rolling all over the place. All those people squatted like toads, picking up apples from the ground.
我是在这个时候奋不顾身扑上去的，我大声骂着：“强盗！”扑了上去。于是有无数拳脚前来迎接，我全身每个地方几乎同时挨了揍。我支撑着从地上爬起来时，几个孩子朝我击来苹果。苹果撞在脑袋上碎了，但脑袋没碎。我正要扑过去揍那些孩子，有一只脚狠狠地踢在我腰部。我想叫唤一声，可嘴巴一张却没有声音。我跌坐在地上，我再也爬不起来了，只能看着他们乱抢苹果。我开始用眼睛去寻找那司机，这家伙此刻正站在远处朝我哈哈大笑，我便知道现在自己的模样一定比刚才的鼻子更精彩了。
I threw myself at them, yelling: “You robbers!” My body was instantly greeted with countless fists and boots. There was no part of me left not punched. I braced myself up from the ground, and some kids attacked me with apples, which smashed on my head. Luckily my head was not broken. I was about to throw myself at those kids when someone kicked hard in my waist. I opened my mouth to scream, but there was no sound in my throat. I fell to the ground again and was unable to gather myself up. What I could do then was merely watching them scramble for the apples. I looked around for the driver. He was standing in a distance and laughing at me. From his expression I knew that I was in a much worse condition than just with a broken nose.
那个时候我连愤怒的力气都没有了。我只能用眼睛看着这些使我愤怒极顶的一切。我最愤怒的是那个司机。
At that time I did not even have the strength to get angry. I could only watch all that infuriated me to the maximum extent. What I was most mad at was the driver.
坡上又下来了一些手扶拖拉机和自行车，他们也投入到这场浩劫中去。我看到地上的苹果越来越少，看着一些人离去和一些人来到。来迟的人开始在汽车上动手，我看着他们将车窗玻璃卸了下来，将轮胎卸了下来，又将木板撬了下来。轮胎被卸去后的汽车显得特别垂头丧气，它趴在地上。一些孩子则去捡那些刚才被扔出去的箩筐。我看着地上越来越干净，人也越来越少。可我那时只能看着了，因为我连愤怒的力气都没有了。我坐在地上爬不起来，我只能让目光走来走去。
A few more tractors and bikes came down the road, and villagers on them joined the scramble without hesitation. I could see the apples dwindling; some people left and some others came. The late-comers went after the truck; they dismantled the window shields, the tires and the planks of the carriage. The truck looked pretty depressed after having been rid of tires and lied on the ground motionless. Some kids started collecting those empty baskets. The site was being cleaned up and there were fewer and fewer people around. I could only watch all these as I did not even have the strength to be angry. Failing to pull myself up, I sat there looking around.
现在四周空荡荡了，只有一辆手扶拖拉机还停在趴着的汽车旁。有几个人在汽车旁东瞧西望，是在看看还有什么东西可以拿走。看了一阵后才一个一个爬到拖拉机上，于是拖拉机开动了。
The site was now quite deserted, with only one tractor and trailer still parked alongside the truck. Several people were still sizing up the truck to see whether there was anything worth taking. After a while, they crawled one by one up the trailer, and the tractor started moving.
这时我看到那个司机也跳到拖拉机上去了，他在车斗里坐下来后还在朝我哈哈大笑。我看到他手里抱着的是我那个红色的背包。他把我的背包抢走了。背包里有我的衣服和我的钱，还有食品和书。可他把我的背包抢走了。
The driver jumped onto the trailer too. He was still laughing at me when he settled down in the trailer. I could see that red backpack in his hand. He took my backpack, in which were my clothes, money, food and books. But he took it anyway.
我看着拖拉机爬上了坡，然后就消失了，但仍能听到它的声音，可不一会连声音都没有了。四周一下了寂静下来，天也开始黑下来。我仍在地上坐着，我这时又饥又冷，可我现在什么都没有了。
I watched the tractor and trailer drive up the slope and disappeared. At first I could still hear it, but soon the sound faded away too.
我在那里坐了很久，然后才慢慢爬起来，我爬起来时很艰难，因为每动一下全身就剧烈地疼痛，但我还是爬了起来。我一拐一拐地走到汽车旁边。那汽车的模样真是惨极了，它遍体鳞伤地趴在那里，我知道自己也是遍体鳞伤了。
I sat there for quite a long time before I could pull myself slowly up. My entire body ached whenever I moved a muscle. But I stood up at last and limped to the truck. It looked beaten up and lied there with cuts and bruises all over. I knew I was no better than it.
天色完全黑了，四周什么都没有，只有遍体鳞伤的汽车和遍体鳞伤的我。我无限悲伤地看着汽车，汽车也无限悲伤地看着我。我伸出手去抚摸了它。它浑身冰凉。那时候开始起风了，风很大，山上树叶摇动时的声音像是海涛的声音，这声音使我恐惧，使我也像汽车一样浑身冰凉。
It was completely dark now, and there was nothing around except the wretched truck and wretched me. I looked sadly at the truck, and it me the same way. I touched it only to find that it was cold. Wind started blowing. It was quite a strong wind and nearby tree leaves rustled like ocean waves. Terrified by the sound, I chilled from head to toe, just like the truck.
我打开车门钻了进去，座椅没被他们撬去，这让我心里稍稍有了安慰。我就在驾驶室里躺了下来。我闻到了一股漏出来的汽油味，那气味像是我身内流出的血液的气味。外面风越来越大，但我躺在座椅上开始感到暖和一点了。我感到这汽车虽然遍体鳞伤，可它心窝还是健全的，还是暖和的。我知道自己的心窝也是暖和的。我一直在寻找旅店，没想到旅店你竟在这里。
I opened the cabin door and got in. The seat was still there, which left a slight comfort to me. I lied down in the cabin and smelled leaking gasoline. It smelled like the blood trickled from my own body. Outside the wind was getting stronger, but I had felt a little warmer in the seat. Though there were cuts and bruises all over the truck, I thought, its heart was still warm, so did mine. I had been looking for a hostel, and here it was.
我躺在汽车的心窝里，想起了那么一个晴朗温和的中午，那时的阳光非常美丽。我记得自己在外面高高兴兴地玩了半天，然后我回家了，在窗外看到父亲正在屋内整理一个红色的背包，我扑在窗口问：“爸爸，你要出门？”
While lying in the heart of the truck, I recalled a sunny and warm noon. It was a beautiful noon with beautiful sunshine. I remembered going home after a morning’s happy time outdoors. Through the window I saw my father packing a red backpack. I leaned over the window sill and asked: “Are you going on a journey, Dad?”
父亲转过身来温和地说：“不，是让你出门。”
My father turned around and said mildly, “Not me. It is you who are going on a journey.”
“让我出门？”
“I am going on a journey?”
“是的，你已经十八了，你应该去认识一下外面的世界了。”
“Right. You are eighteen years old now, and should see the outside world yourself.”
后来我就背起了那个漂亮的红背包，父亲在我脑后拍了一下，就像在马屁股上拍了一下。于是我欢快地冲出了家门，像一匹兴高采烈的马一样欢快地奔跑了起来。
I put on that beautiful red backpack. My father patted me on the back of my head, as if on the crupper of a horse. The next moment I dashed out of the house happily, and ran down the road like a jubilant steed.